Article by Kathleen Macken
Photo Credit: Ready Gypset Go
Magazine: Issue #41
It’s been a gripe of mine since I began this holistic way of living, so forgive me if my post comes off as a bit of a rant. The heavy hand of judgement by all the crunchy Judy McJudgeypants is well deserving of a throat punch. Remember my lovely holistic goddesses, we are all humans and therefore imperfect, we all make mistakes, or look for the easy way out, every once in a while. And that’s okay! I’m not going to judge you, if you happen to get yourself a hamburger that isn’t from organic, grass fed, pasture raised, beef. As long as you don’t judge me for being afraid to try the diva cup. Deal?
So here it goes, 5 asshole-y things I have seen and heard of, with in the holistic community.
1| Calling people “Sheeple” and telling them to, “Wake Up!” Nothing gets my panties in a wad more than these two phrases. Please, call me a degrading portmanteau and call me out for being in a social slumber…I totally see your point now (insert sarcasm and eye roll).
2| All you crunchy mamas out there. I love you all, I do, except when you show a graphic c-section photo on Facebook, followed by an infant mortality rate statistic, followed by some other political statistic claiming that big pharma is behind deaths of babies and deaths of mamas, and deaths of vaginas, etc. Ugh. Stop trying to shame women, who ironically share MANY of the same values as you do, but circumstances being what they were, did not have their child blossom from their vagina into a pool of lavender scented rose pedals surrounded by delicate lace and silk, or some shit like that. However you had your baby, wether it was rose pedals, c-section, epidural, adoption, in a hospital, in a home, the fact remains that you sustained a life within your body and you should be really fucking proud of that. If you are a home birth advocate, then educate and promote the amazing benefits of home or natural child birth. When you approach with love, you will find more people willing to receive your message. Spitting out scare tactics and shaming fellow women for something they felt was out of their control at the time, only makes you look like the asshole.
3| Scare tactics and statistics. With information so readily available, literally at the touch of a finger, scrolling through FaceTubes, InstaTwit, YouBooks we come across articles, videos, and op-ed pieces that spout statistics trying to scare you into believing one way or another. We can easily believe something that might be true, because we want so badly to believe that it is true, so we are sometimes willing to overlook validity. Please check where the statistic came from, who formulated it, what their agenda is, and who funded it, before you post it! Question the fuck out of everything, until you have exhausted any doubt. You may find that the statistic you wanted so badly to be true, actually isn’t. In which case, own that you were wrong and move on. Unless it’s a statistic that says, if you don’t have a glass of wine at the end of everyday, there is a 50% chance your head will pop off your shoulders and roll away, then that’s a risk I’m not willing to take.
4| Gluten free. I totally understand if you have a physical intolerance to gluten. I know that for some, it is truly a curse on their health to consume gluten. But when you tell me that you are gluten free but can’t tell me what gluten is, except to say, (please read the next quote in the best valley girl accent you can muster, while twirling your hair), “It makes me fat.” Or my favorite is when someone says, “I’m gluten free” while drinking a beer. Bitch please.
5| Stop getting your facts from internet memes and info graphs. And while you’re at it, stop saying, “Do your research people!” This shit lights my gut up like chile con carne. I believe it was Abraham Lincoln that said, “Don’t believe everything you read on the internet.” Or was it Mark Twain? There is credible research and peer reviewed papers and text books that back up what we believe and know to be true, wether it’s skin care, the environment, healthcare, food, etc. There is actual data that has been scientifically tested to prove our point. So…Do your research, but don’t take the easy way out and don’t believe anything Abraham Lincoln says about the internet, you’re an asshole if you do. Okey dokey organic artichokey?
Look, we live under the same holistic umbrella because we seek alternatives to the status quo. We love to feel good, we are slightly rebellious, and a part of us really loves to give the metaphorical finger to gigantic corporations that promote illness instead of wellness. We are conscientious consumers and strive to make mindful choices that leave the smallest footprint possible. But how can our message be heard if it is through a veil of anger and confrontation?
The caveat to that question is of course the difference between yelling in anger and or proclaiming in love. Which do you think is going to be noise and which do you think will actually be heard? We are all susceptible to being the asshole, believe me, I wouldn’t be able to write a silly little article about being a holistic asshole, if I wasn’t kinda one myself. But it’s love my friends, if you show up in your space with love, you leave others more willing to receive your message. So to all you assholes out there, I love you, and I want to hear what you have to say, please stop yelling at me though, it’s fucking annoying.
With much love and affection ~ Kat
