SELF-LOVE IS NOT SELFISH, IT'S ESSENTIAL
Article by Nicole "Goddess Na'Obi" Tate
Self-Love is Not Selfish, It's Essential
Loving yourself is a concept that can come to be truly foreign to women in today’s hustle and bustle of western culture.
We were never taught to take care of self first, we are always bred to love and care for others first and foremost. When you are born, the first person you learn to love is your mother and then your father, siblings, then as you grow older as a woman you are conditioned to then devote all your time and energy to loving a mate. Someone you are supposed to cater to and pour all of your love into for better or worse. And while that is something that we are made to believe is a beautiful fairytale we quickly learn that is not the case.
And so the story goes, we search for love in these male figures, expecting them to save us as we display and act out these clingy, needy and unhealthy attachments to trauma-based love.
We see our spouses not as people but, as these possessions and we become insanely possessive to them. We tie our every ounce of happiness to theirs and our entire world revolves around these individuals ultimately losing our own individuality that is if we ever even had any, to begin with.
I mean how can you truly love someone else when you barely learn to love yourself. A lot of women today aren’t even sure who they are and before they do they are forced to feel as though to be whole and complete they must first find a man and dedicate their love to him and only him.
Only to quickly realize the same rules don’t necessarily apply to him.
My first real relationship was the start of many traumatic experiences that taught me many things on my journey to finding myself and loving myself fully. I learned that we date many versions of ourselves throughout our lives and that many of our mates are lessons in love. As I began to learn who I was I realized that I needed to devote less time to learning and loving others and more time learning and loving myself.
I began to realize self-love isn’t selfish but, the most important love and should be your first love.
How can you truly pour into others if you haven’t gotten the love you need within yourself?
I learned to treat myself the way I wanted my spouse to treat me, that I didn’t need a man to find value in myself, nor to do things special for me. I took myself on dates and praised myself daily. I wrote myself notes and went to the movies alone and laughed louder and cried harder. I did what made me happy and only me.
After years of being the girl who always was tied to a man believing that I needed one to complete me, I learned the most important lesson of all love lessons. I was already complete, the man that was for me would simply amplify who I was, compliment me and be drawn to the way I adored myself. This man would be my reflection and the other half versus my better half. Self-love taught me how to truly love and be loved by someone else.
I became more aware of what truly lit me up inside where my passions lied and what my soul craved.
That is hard to do when you are always trying to fulfill the needs of someone else before truly understanding the needs of self. Self-love should be the first type of love every woman experiences. It’s not just a ritualistic thing but, a way of life and should never be compromised.
Now I walk with a lot more pride and respect for myself knowing that I will attract the right type of soulmate for my soul. I buy myself the flowers, the wine, I take myself to that restaurant, and I enjoy that meal with myself. I enjoy the clarity of knowing that what I do is for me and me alone. I spoil myself the way I want those around me to do.
We tend to attract like energy. So become what you want to attract in a mate for yourself, and watch how quickly your life begins to transform into the one you want for yourself. We are mirrors and reflections of each other and that makes it imperative to treat yourself the way you want to be treated by others. The most important relationship you will ever have in your life is the one you have with yourself so make it the relationship you want it to be and make it the only one you need.
Self Love Rituals
I have come to learn there are a few things that I must do for myself regularly to treat myself and give myself the love I need.
Flowers, I regularly buy myself flowers to boost my mood when I’m feeling a little down its the perfect pick me up.
Wine, candles and a good salt bath during the full moon to recharge my energy and love on myself the right way.
Time alone to do what I love or absolutely nothing at all and just recharge from the man busy days that require my undivided attention.
I buy myself indulgent goodies, a really dope pen for my writing, sexy lingerie to make myself feel good or a book I want to get lost in.
I take myself out on dates once a week to a movie, a nice restaurant, for a spa day or mini shopping spree for no reason other than self-love.
Time in nature is the easiest way to love on me I take a good book and spend some time at the beach on a picnic with good wine and fruit on a nice sunny day.
Any above can be apart of your routine or whatever it is that you feel to show yourself that much-needed self-love. Start loving on yourself and watch how the world opens up to new refreshing relationships that will love you the way you love yourself right back!
