The Fundamentals of Shadow Work
Dealing with your Shadow is never an easy thing. In fact, the thought alone can be difficult to accept. This is because the Shadow is all about the things about you that you can’t forgive or condone.
When, for example, you feel an urge to punch someone and hurt them so horribly that they would be left unable to walk for the rest of their life, you might rightly think that this is a terrifying aspect of yourself. After all, you can’t imagine hurting anyone for any unjust reason.
And yet, the reality is that this may well be one of the first steps to true Shadow Work. After all, before you even get to solving a problem, you have to acknowledge that there even is one to begin with. Only when you have properly assented to actually letting the Shadow Work start can you actually proceed.to change.
That being said, here are some of the steps you may have to go through in order to fully see the real you:
#1: Don’t think of your Shadow in a hostile way
Your inner Shadow is something that thrives from your personal hostility to it. This is because the more you deny and suppress it, the more you are actually fueling it. If you have anger issues, for example, you’ll likely deny it by getting even angrier and more difficult to deal with.
Naturally, this exacerbates the problem. As such, the only way for you to deal with it and still retain some semblance of comfort is if you actually treat it in a cerebral way. Be unbiased to your own darker self, and analyze instead where it is coming from and what it really is.
If you have insecurities, for example, you should ask directly why you have these insecurities. It could be that your friend is doing so much better than you, and that part of you wants to sabotage them simply to make sure you could be on even ground. It’s a dirty thought, but something you can work with.
When you are done with this, try to find solutions for this kind of problem. Is it something you can do internally alone, or do you actually have to make gains? Do you want to match your friend in every way, or do you want to move away from it altogether?
As you can see in this example, there are so many ways that you can work on this. You may choose to double down if it’s really what you want independent of the rivalry, or you can simply let go of it. When you do, do you become the best, or do you simply want to live humbly?
In either case, one thing is for certain: when you are done dealing with your Shadow in an objective way, results will follow shortly.
#2: Look at your past
The Shadow, much like yourself, is an ever-evolving presence. It starts from childhood-- with petty things such as hating your mom for not giving you a lollipop that one time, and it gradually develops into more complicated things.
In all this, however, patterns and continuity begin to emerge. This is exactly why many psychological thinkers tend to start their analyses as early as one’s childhood-- because childhood forms a huge part in the way one grows into another human being.
That being said, it’s not just about psychoanalyzing yourself. Identifying your Shadow and ultimately accepting it means making sure that you accept all of it. If necessary, ruminate through old photos or other memorabilia that make you think about what you have become now, as this will lead to further understanding.
#3: Be familiar with what triggers your Shadow
As the term implies, the Shadow is typically something that’s buried. It won’t show up immediately, but it can be set off by a series of triggers that will eventually creep into your mind.
For example, you may not see yourself as a person capable of great anger. However, when you start to suffer from a losing streak in games or even in life, this attitude becomes more and more difficult to suppress.
The key, in this case, is to learn the triggers, as these can give you insight about your Shadow. For example, if your fear starts to kick in when you’re told to do something, you likely do not have enough self-esteem.
And that is fine-- because now that you have identified the problem, you can start to finally give it a good resolution.
Final Word
As you can see here, there are plenty of ways that you can go through with your Shadow Work. Even better, there are multiple ways to actually solve them. However, it all boils down to acknowledgment.
Are you willing to discourse with yourself and talk about your Shadow? What do you want to do with your worst feelings?
While asking these questions, bear in mind the multiple avenues that you can take to fix it. Ask yourself what you really want to do, and find healing when you are able to fixate on the solution that works for you.
But most importantly, take your time. It can take a while to deal with your Shadow, and that’s okay-- what matters is that you are genuinely trying.
