Article by Camille Ditele
Photo Credit: Carley Page Interiors
Featuring: Jennifer Harrison
Magazine: Issue #42
A rocky marriage and subsequent divorce could make your self-confidence crumble. You’re suddenly unsure about yourself and your future. You might even feel like a failure.
Regaining your confidence doesn’t have to be difficult or complicated. Here are some unconventional but practical tips that will empower you:
1 | Own the Responsibility and Take Charge
Some divorced women would blame their ex for their deflated self-confidence, but the blame game never really accomplishes anything worthwhile. Remember this: you can only regain your self-confidence if you take charge of how you feel about yourself. Refuse to allow your ex, in-laws or anyone else to make you feel small or unworthy. To paraphrase a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt, nobody can make you feel unworthy or incapable of anything without your consent.
Don’t wait for another man to make you feel beautiful and confident. Real confidence comes from within. If you continually seek approval or external validation to feel good about yourself, you’ll always be insecure. But if your confidence is deeply rooted within you, nothing can shake it.
2 | Remind Yourself of Your Good Qualities
If your confidence takes a big hit because of your divorce, you need to remind yourself of all the good that is in you. Grab a pen and a piece of paper and make a list of your positive traits, talents, achievements, and all the compliments and praises you’ve received. This might make you feel uncomfortable because it seems “braggy.” But you don’t have to feel guilty, because this list is for your eyes only. Read your list often and give yourself permission to feel good.
3 | Let Your Guilt Speak to You, Then Let It Go
When you’ve done something wrong, it’s normal to feel guilty. The purpose of guilt is to prevent you from repeating the mistakes you’ve made. It’s also a sign that your moral compass is in good working order. The next time you hear the voice of guilt, ask these questions, “What can I do better? What should I avoid doing in the future?”
But be careful not to let guilt overcome you. Unbridled guilt will make you feel unworthy and less confident. It will also make you want to punish yourself. Allow your guilt to speak to you so it can teach you the lessons you need to learn, but let it go once you have resolved to do better.
Focus on learning from your mistakes. Remember that when you learn from your mistakes, you become better and wiser. And because you know better now, you’ll be more confident in handling your next relationship should you later decide to be with someone new.
4 | Dare to Look Gorgeous…For You and You Alone!
You may feel terrible about what happened, but that’s not an excuse to look terrible. Your appearance says a lot about what’s going on inside you and how you treat yourself. You don’t need a liposuction or plastic surgery to look gorgeous, but you may need a bit of makeup and a visit to the salon. You might even need to revamp your entire wardrobe and maybe take frequent trips to the gym. It may take some work and you might need to spend quite a bit of money, but you’re worth it!
Regardless of what you do to improve your appearance, don’t do it because you want to attract men or somebody in particular. Instead, do it to feel good and to be more confident about yourself. Confidence is sexy.
5 | Upgrade Your Knowledge and Skills
You might be feeling insecure about your finances now that you’ve gotten divorced. Maybe you relied too much on your ex for your financial needs. Whatever the case is, you need to believe that you can stand on your own feet. But for you to be able to do that, you need to acquire knowledge and skills that will help you land a high paying job or build a high-income business. And the more knowledge and skills you have, the more valuable and confident you will be as a professional.
There are plenty of free and paid learning resources on the internet. You can also check the universities and colleges in your area for courses that you can afford.
6 | Go Kick Some Butt!
Nothing builds self-confidence quite like a sense of accomplishment. Even the smallest of achievements can give your confidence a much-needed boost, and they can lead to greater successes. Maybe you put aside some of your dreams when you got married. Now that you have a freer schedule, it’s time to move your goals from the backburner to your list of top priorities. Success, no matter how small, breeds confidence.
7 | Help People
Helping people can also give you a sense of accomplishment and strengthen your self-worth. You will gain the respect of your community and people will value their relationship with you. It will also keep you too busy to feel sorry about yourself. Look for opportunities to volunteer and donate your talent, time, and money to a worthy cause.
Divorce may be the end of a chapter in your life, but it also gives you a fresh start. But before you can move on to a new chapter, you need to work on yourself first, heal the wounds of the past, and rebuild what was damaged. Once you regain your confidence and learn to trust yourself, you can change your life and be a better version of yourself.
Schedule your Newly Single Dream Life session with Camille by connecting at Camille@dailycourage.info
