5 KEYS TO ATTRACTING A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

Bonding with someone is like having a special key that unlocks a specific door; not for everyone to enter. It’s a bridge between two people that only they can cross, where no one else gets to walk through. And as magical as a relationship like this sounds, we’re living in an age where romantic bonds are becoming harder to develop because people switch partners in the blink of any eye.

Do we blame it on technology? Too many options? Fear of intimacy? Childhood traumas? Whatever it is, I’m here to remind you that the stars still illuminate our nights, that the sun still radiates our days, and that love still makes the world go round.

The question is: Are you ready for it?

You see, the irony is that even though a healthy relationship consists of a balanced energetic exchange, you have to genuinely care more about giving than receiving. However, there’s a catch! You should have already mastered the art of discernment to pour into a person who deserves it.

You see, when you’re in a good place in your life, you’re drama free, you’re clear headed, your heart is activated, and all you have to offer is “good vibes” because that’s what’s flowing out of your cup. In this respect, you’ll naturally attract what you already are: a partner who also wants to give “good vibes.”

So, if you’re looking for real love in a culture of fast hook-ups and disrespectful ghosting, know this: You are not the crowd; you are you. Follow this simple guideline for attracting real love… and I promise… you will attract another diamond in the rough who wants real love too.

STEP 1: LOVE YOURSELF FIRST BY LOVING YOUR ALONE TIME.

There’s a big difference between loneliness and solitude. When you’re lonely, you’re looking for the company of others to fill a void. But when you’re in solitude, you’re filling your own cup without being codependent within clicks or social circles. In fact, you’d prefer jogging in a park, watching Netflix, reading a good book, doing anything wholesome instead of being with others just to kill the loneliness. Yes, you can have tons of friends and family, but you don’t get swayed by their opinions, and you’re very comfortable in your own skin. In this respect, a real man will see a real woman in you because of your healthy “sense of self” instead of a person whose behavior is influenced by social acceptance.

STEP 2: MAKE PEACE WITH YOUR PAST & CUT TIES WITH EX’S.

No one wants to be second best. If you’re still not over your ex, don’t date others just to keep your mind busy. All you’re doing is suppressing your true feelings which means they will eventually resurface. It’s completely healthy to cry, to obsessively talk about it, to vent, to write it down, and to do whatever is necessary to get those feelings out of your system. But don’t sleep with someone new knowing you wish it were someone else. In the end, you’ll just be creating mixed emotions. At the same time, if you’re still friends with an ex, don’t be “too close for comfort”. It’s great to transform your relationship from lovers to friends, but you have to create a vacuum for someone new to enter. Being really good friends with an ex can create “blockage” because of the old soul ties you’re feeding.

STEP 3: DON’T SETTLE OR COMPROMISE.

The younger we are, the more we experiment by dating different types. We might date the artsy hipster within our five year age range, to then date a corporate business man twenty years older. We might be attracted to the leather-jacket-wearing bad boy who smokes cigarettes in between band breaks, to then fall for a responsible father of three kids. Yes, we date all kinds of men from different ethnic, religious, educational and financial backgrounds because we’re open minded and curious. But at some point you have to know what truly makes you happy and what doesn’t. Don’t force a puzzle piece to fit just because you want a companion. Others might tell you to be flexible, but I disagree! If something doesn’t jive, you’ll end up wasting time. Remember, you love yourself first, so you’re not desperate.

STEP 4: KNOW WHAT YOU DO WANT IN A COMPANION

Now that you know what you don’t want, what is it that you do want? And don’t be vague by listing the normal characteristics, “sensitive”, “caring”, “affectionate”, blah, blah, blah…

Of course you want those traits, but what specific traits do you want? Do you want a home owner or do you care if they rent? Do you want someone with a stable 9 to 5 schedule or do you prefer an entrepreneur with more flexibility? There’s no judgement. You have to be real honest with what you want and not care about what your parents want, what your culture wants, or what you USED TO WANT. Things change, and maybe your taste in men has too. Think about it: Would you want to be with someone who preferred a woman with a different lifestyle other than yours, but only stayed with you because it’s what their parents or culture wanted? Get real with what you do want and don’t feel bad about it.

STEP 5: DROP UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS AND GIVE POSITIVE VIBES.

A relationship is not always about you. Of course you want to be respected, listened to, loved and considered. But you have to offer that too. A healthy man is confident and independent, so as much as he may love to shower you with attention, he will need his alone time too. Maye he’ll want to hit the gym, travel with the guys, take a job far away, or suddenly become obsessed with a new project. You should want the best for him, and by wanting the best, that means you’ll be happy for his accomplishments and offer him space when he needs it. Remember, don’t be the insecure type that tries to control his choices and time. Encourage him to be a better man and to never stop growing.

The goal here is to genuinely offer positive vibes for a positive life. If the season of your relationship ends, you’ll want to leave each other better than you found each other. But if your relationship happens to last a lifetime, then you’ll want to light each other’s fires and continue to fan each other’s flames.