A SELF-LOVE RECIPE: MIRROR WORK THREE WAYS

While it may be spouted-off as a tool of narcissism, the mirror can reversely be a great tool of self-acceptance. When was the last time you looked at yourself, truly looked at yourself; looked into your eyes, at all of your body, and all the interior parts of yourself? Self-love gurus will have you reciting positive self-affirmations, and try to convince you, or rather your mind of all the wonderful things you are. They are not incorrect, your unique blueprint is indeed perfectly created. There are no flaws to your design, but there are two sides to every one of your characteristics. It is necessary to see all sides of the magnificent structure that you are to achieve true acceptance, and this is where the mirror serves us well.

How Intentional Self-Gazing Can Help

You want to have self-confidence? You have to get comfortable in your skin, and you don’t do that by believing that you’re the best, but by loving the parts of you you like less, the parts of you that carry shame and pain. If you can sit with all that you are, humbly, then true confidence can come. Not the boisterous kind, the embodied kind that will allow you to carry yourself with ease. A mirror is an opportunity to meet yourself, with courage, to see yourself from an outsider’s perspective, perhaps with more compassion. Three exercises will be proposed here for you to try: holding eye contact, intentional body posing, and finally a self-reflection practice to engage with the symbolic mirror of facing your shadows.

Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder, so Behold Your Own Beauty

Looking at someone in the eye is a beautiful exercise in connection. Holding your own gaze is just as powerful. To feel what it feels like to be looked at by you. Stand in the mirror, and look at your face, all of its particularities. Look at yourself in the eye, see yourself, see your child self, see an imagined future self. Look at yourself the way you might a friend, a lover, try to see yourself in your highest light, experiment seeing the worst of you, try it all.

The eye-contact practice:

Put a timer on, ideally for at least a minute or two.
Stand in front of the mirror, and look at yourself, into your own eyes.
Notice any feelings or thoughts it brings up, stay with the process.
Approach yourself with a curious and caring gaze, play with the many ways you could look at and into yourself.
If it starts to get uncomfortable, remember to breathe: four counts in, eight counts out, remember you are safe.
Afterwards feel free to take notes on the experience, or the inner dialogue that came up.

Fall in Love with Your Vessel through Role Play

Now that you have looked into the windows to your soul, it is time to bring this gaze down into the body. Practicing the embodiment of different archetypes, feelings, and intentions in your body is a powerful tool. Perhaps you have heard of “Power Posing”, and how it is scientifically proven to boost one’s confidence, well this is a deeper exploration of that. It may feel awkward or silly, but think of this practice as an acting exercise. The more you can feel and perceive yourself in different roles and feelings, the easier it will become to navigate these as they come up in everyday life. As you do this more, you can start to see how your body serves and supports you in a myriad of ways, and you can become more accepting of the different facets of your being.

The embodiment practice:

Pick three archetypes, feelings, or intentions you would like to explore, let’s say: warrior, sadness, and glowing aura.
You can do this dressed, but it is also a good experiment to try this naked or in your underwear.
Put a timer for 1 minute, stand in front of the mirror, start posing according to the first theme you chose.
Not sure what to do? Here are some guiding questions using the “warrior” example: How does a warrior hold themselves? Can you see yourself as a warrior? What does your body and posture look like when you are a warrior? What does it feel like, how do you move? Is this archetype easy or difficult for you to embody? Are your facial expressions and gestual language connecting?
Repeat with each embodiment theme you chose. You could do longer sessions with one, or try doing a sprint with a longer list.
Again, feel free to take notes on how the exercise felt, and your ease and relationship to each theme.
Don’t forget to thank yourself for this free-play exploration!

Facing the Shadows, The Final Frontier

The last kind of mirror work that will allow you to access more self-love, is the capacity to name limiting beliefs and uncomfortable feelings, and to start to have a conversation with them. You may have noticed as you looked at yourself, a certain inner dialogue pop-up, probably one of judgement; one telling you what you can and cannot do, what you should and shouldn’t do, what you are and are not. Did you notice where there was resistance, criticism, or fear? These places that are harder to access are often where our shadow lives. The shadow is not bad, it is only dark because it is unseen. It is only destructive if we refuse to look at it and hang out with it, then it becomes like an unloved child seeking attention. This is a self-reflection exercise which you may practice through journaling, or contemplation.

The self-reflection practice:

Pick an emotion/archetype/thought that came up during the exercises that made you feel resistance or discomfort.
Now explore these questions:
a) What message does it have for me?
b) How does this message serve me?
c) Is there a reason to resist this thing or its message?
d) If I fulfilled the purpose of this message what do I believe would happen?
e) Is there a fear here?
f) How can I meet this fear with love?
g) The next time I feel, think, or am called to embody this uncomfortable thing, how can I apply this love?
h) Do I see how this thing actually serves a purpose, can be a gift? Can I honour it? Give it a little space?

Achieving Self-Acceptance by Journeying through the Mirror

A sustained practice of mirror gazing, embodiment, and reflective exploration of our shadow will allow us to sit more comfortably with all the parts of ourselves. Remember, if you can sit with the uncomfortable thing, lean into the resistance, you give it a chance to move through you. If you block it or try to escape it, it may creep up in chaotic ways. Sitting with it and giving it space, creates a chance for it to transform, and stops it from ruling your life in subconscious ways. With this self-love recipe comes the possibility of recalling more of yourself, allowing your life to become an even fuller expression of your soul. Enjoy!