HOW TO REASSESS AND SIMPLIFY YOUR TO DO LIST

Mom-guilt has so many layers of complexity and this month we’re going to dig in and have the tough conversations, talk about the topics we’d rather tuck away, and truly be honest with ourselves. These conversations are topics that I’ve had with friends, clients and colleagues, and they’re the questions that we want to run away from, but the ones that can create amazing change in our lives.

Today I ask the question “Are you shoulding for all the wrong reasons?” As a mama you know the list of things you should do is endless, daunting and defeating. What if we change this conversation? What if we take a hard and honest look at the “shoulds” in our life, and feel empowered to decide whether the list stays as-is, or changes for the better? Today I share 3 common “should” traps, how to spot them and most importantly how to break the cycle.

“Should” for all the wrong reasons

Do you ever look at your “to-do” list and find it lacks even one item you truly look forward to doing? Essentially it’s full of items that you only moderately enjoy, feel obligated to take part in, or frankly are anxious to get off your list. Now’s the time to evaluate the “shoulds” in your life, there’s truly no better time then now. All too often as moms we have completely skewed expectations of what's realistic to actually do.

We take on far more than we possibly complete, and set ourselves up for failure before we’ve even begun. I encourage looking at all the things you feel you should do in the coming week, and take an honest look at whether these are truly valuable to focus on. Are they things that fill you up and bring joy to your family? If not, they’re up for negotiation, and you have the power to decide what happens next.

Endless growing list of “shoulds”

The list of should do items is never a short one, especially for high-achieving mamas, our lists are known to snowball over time. The list looks one way when our kids are infants, another when they’re toddlers and another way entirely once kids are in school. I have the conversation all too often that “I’ll get myself back on track, this month we’re going to scale back on our commitments and how much we get involved in.” Then another month passes, and a year, then three years, and the list has only grown.

As you examine your list of “shoulds” and determine if they’re really serving you and your family, I empower you to simplify expectations. We have this conversation in our household around activities. We have a family agreement that each girl can have one activity per season, but that’s all we can manage and stay sane. This is a boundary we had to discover, but works well, and sets clear expectations for everyone. Each family is different, so stay true to what you know in your gut works for your family, and let that guide your decisions. But know that boundaries, and taking an approach of doing less, is fully encouraged!

The “should” trap

This is trap of being tied down by obligations you feel you should be doing, and it’s exhausting. The should trap is frustrating, lonely and the road to burnout. The first step is to identify if there’s a problem, or a trap that you’re in. And if so, take micro-steps towards improvement. Set tiny goals for change, because those tiny goals will create long-lasting incredible change far more than any grand idea (that likely fizzles out a month later).

Questions to consider

When do you ever give yourself time and space to think about this? That's the gift of the time we're in, to use the quiet space we're given to align with what truly matters. If you’ve lost touch with that, now is the time to give your values focus and attention.