SPIRITUAL BYPASS VS. SPIRITUAL BRAVERY

Spiritual bypassing means using spiritual and religious concepts to hover above our own experience — never touching our real pain, real issues, and real needs for connection. Floating feels great, but it also stifles growth. We can misuse spiritual concepts to dismiss anything we’re going through with a fabulous sweep of the hair and an, it doesn’t really matter attitude.

But it does matter. Spiritual bypassing can lead to being paralyzed by trauma or continually having the same issues arise because we haven’t truly healed. Avoiding our issues and traumas don’t make them go away or unhappen. We can face them to make something better rather than getting stuck in patterns of avoidance. Spiritual Bravery is leaning into the work and being willing to learn the lessons or make greater meaning out of what has happened.

Spiritual Bravery asks us to face our shadows for the purpose of expansion. Expansion is the act of becoming larger than you were, taking up more positive space in the world, and letting your light spread wider than you may have been taught is OK. We step into the unknown and are asked to change at a deep level. It requires diving into and overcoming all sorts of old barriers and beliefs used to make us stay small and feel safe. We have to be willing to look at our traumas, the ways we’ve adapted as a result, and take action to transform. If that sounds scary to you, take heart.

The thing often missed when talking about various types of trauma or even PTSD (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) is the flip side called post-traumatic growth. I am trauma survivor/thriver as well as a psychotherapist, and this is the cornerstone from which I operate both personally and professionally. Trauma survivors experience growth in a way that not everyone does. We form a different view of ourselves, the ways we’re connected to others, and are able to find strength and meaning from awful experiences. Trauma has given me a more expansive view on humanity and motivates me to contribute to the healing of our fragmented world. I also experience more joy and gratitude because of the depth of pain I’ve endured.

No one’s story is the same, but we all experience pain, even if you don’t call it trauma. We can use that pain to become more compassionate and authentic versions of ourselves.

We stop living from constriction, and radiate joy into the world having known the dark recesses of human behavior, both our own and that of others. If we’re floating in spiritual bypass land, we’re not grounded enough to start the work from a firm jumping-off point.

Spiritual Bravery is at the crux of this. It asks us to use our pain and imagination to our benefit (and others’). What if you reframe your problems as an opportunity for growth? What if it does matter and you take it seriously? Spiritual Bravery requires starting from the present while holding an expansive vision for the future, because it has been proven that people perform better using positive visualizations. The stories we tell ourselves matter, because they affect our actions — meaning we do different things depending on our vision and intent.

I encourage you to challenge the compulsion to avoid your issues, spiritual bypass, or listen to your negative stories about the future that stem from past heartbreaks. Instead, acknowledge the reality of what is. From there, use your imagination to consider and visualize what could be. Next, imagine little steps to get there. And finally, start walking.

What if you feel stuck or unable to be brave? Try not to shame or otherwise put yourself down. Being stuck is sometimes our way of coping, because facing our wounds or growing feels terrifying. Sometimes we’re stuck in a pattern, way of thinking, unfulfilling job, relationship, or whatever it may be. Our stuckness can also be the universe or soul’s way of saying, “Not yet.” Through being kind to ourselves in the process, we acknowledge that we are worthy of being loved no matter what.

Plus, Spiritual Bravery can be like stretching. It feels a bit uncomfortable or unnatural at first. Our muscles usually contract as an initial response to stretching. The same is true of outgrowing our old ways or an old identity that doesn’t quite fit anymore. Contraction is part of the process, but keep trying to expand, and life can unfold in unimaginable ways. There’s more spaciousness and creative expression. We respond to hardship more effectively, lightly, and flexibly. It also allows for more joy.

It might seem contradictory, but no one can do this work for you, and healing happens in the context of connection. We need family, friends, coaches, therapists, etc. along the way. People need people. Our nervous systems are literally wired for connection. Sometimes spiritual principles are used to stay separate, or fake a sense of connection, without truly risking vulnerability or getting honest about what’s really going on (yet another form of spiritual bypass).

It takes many acts of Spiritual Bravery to become greater than we were.

It asks us to believe in ourselves and our ability to grow, whether we seem to have good reason to or not. So where to start? I start by shifting my focus from fear to self-love in the present moment, whatever my circumstances. From love, I envision what could be possible. Then I gently do one brave thing in that direction. Then another, then another — asking for plenty of help along the way. Spiritual bravery builds on itself. We learn that we are beautiful, worthy, and capable. We all have something special to offer, and that special thing is you. Much of our greatness is borne from our wounds. If we never dig in, work to accept all parts of ourselves, and look deeply at what needs healing, we risk missing out on our true greatness and sharing it with others.