Seeking Shelter From The Storm

Angel Quintana June 4, 2014

SEEKING SHELTER FROM THE STORM

Dear Diary,

As I sit here sipping my morning java after an eventful day of grueling communication, I'm taking a moment to reflect. While I am sickened by the erratic and unprofessional behaviors by some women in business, I'm forced to believe life is simply prepping me for what is to come. As I digest and breakdown the fuel that once motivated me to be "The Best" at what I do, the window of opportunity feels more like a door to a dark and dreary swamp where condescending, irrational, obtuse and ruthless women reside-- ready, willing and able to rip her fellow sister to shreds and drown them in a sea of insults. I find myself swimming to the top desperately awaiting to catch my breath.

The sun beats down on my face as I stand before the fear and insecurity that lives inside a troubled woman trying to get ahead, until I become baffled by her spearhead that feels like a xenoestrogen poison disrupting the equilibrium of my frail frame, until I'm jolted back to reality and think, "Would she treat a MAN like this?" A businessman would never put up with this shit.

How much crap from our fellow businesswoman colleagues are we willing to put up with? And are these so called "women business leaders" climbing the ladder just another round of watered down cheap cocktails keeping our heads spinning; only to leave us stumbling to the kitchen for that unhealthy midnight snack, a stomach-churning hangover, and a few less bucks in our wallets? That toxic hangover is incredibly intense; so intense that praying to the porcelain Gods sounds like more fun and less painful than the ridicule and abuse of the fear-driven woman entrepreneur. I just might need to embrace the sober life, for if I don't it just might kill me and my dreams.

“That toxic hangover is incredibly intense; so intense that praying to the porcelain Gods sounds like more fun and less painful than the ridicule and abuse of the fear-driven woman entrepreneur. ”

She says she's already SO successful, but there appears to be a convenient dash of dishonesty enlodged in her story. In fact, this slew of egotistical women are ready to draw blood with their cat claws in this trivial game of pussycat and mouse on a virtual playground that's leaving war wounds on my spirit. A prideful email, a harsh tone, a narcissistic-- even patronizing selection of words that showcases her desire for superiority can speed up any woman's heartbeat, even lead her to tears when she is the target of another woman's fear...

A Word On Sensitivity.

Let's face it, I'm sensitive. My feelings get hurt just like the rest of us and I'll even raise my hand high and admit my feelings probably get hurt more frequently than the average feminine leader out there, but I'm not a man nor am I a quitter. I'd like to see sensitivity as a gift (and not some it's-that-time-of-the-month slap in the face), yet with every gift there are its challenges.

sensitive |ˈsensitiv| adjective
quick to detect or respond to slight changes, signals, or influences

The ability to detect abuse of any kind is high on my barometer and it sends my internal seasons through an emotional tornado and like Bob Dylan says, I'm "seeking shelter from the storm." What I'm discovering is that shelter personified are actually beautifully wrapped friendships that protect the sanctuary from unruly weather.

“The ability to detect abuse of any kind is high on my barometer and it sends my internal seasons through an emotional tornado and like Bob Dylan says, I’m “seeking shelter from the storm.””

Friendship to me is what has kept me alive all these years, the backbone to my aspirations and my strength when the going gets ugly. I can't count on all my toes and fingers how many times a true friend has picked me up, dusted me off, and showed me how incredible I am at my job. In fact, they are the roots that continue to help nurture the growth of Holistic Fashionista, for without them, this horticulturist behind the brand slowly decays from the side effects of sensitivity. I know, I am her.

Am I proud to be sensitive, probably not. Is it a gift? Perhaps. Do I know there is a greater understanding behind the chaos that lives inside a sensitive soul? Absolutely. That understanding is friendship. Good old fashioned, stick-with-you-to-the-end, loyal confidante who won't judge you, won't abandon you, won't speak to you like a condescending bitch. Instead she will help you see the magic and lessons that are presented before you paving the path to your next great invention and the bigger roles awaiting behind that iron curtain.

Yesterday I took the first step towards eliminating and uninviting drama into my sensitive world by choosing the hit the "Spam" button and proceeding quickly to empty the spam folder. Maybe it's just a a small step towards preserving my dreams, but it's a big step towards being a role model whom I would admire.

Love,

Angel

Photo Credit: Pinterest

The Curse of The Over-Achiever and Her Bright Shiny Objects

Angel Quintana May 23, 2014

THE CURSE OF THE OVER-ACHIEVER AND HER BRIGHT SHINY OBJECTS

Dear Diary,

It's 4:57am, Friday morning and I'll be honest-- it's be a tough week. Over the past 7 days I have been on a serious revamping extravaganza in my business, letting go of what no longer serves me and getting really clear about where to go from here. Running a business, being in the social media eye, and speaking on stage has taught me about what I truly want and what I definitely don't need more of. It's time to start cutting out the pieces and creating a future that has makes my heart sing.

Last Sunday I made an announcement that I will no longer be offering one on one coaching services effective August 1st, this includes my little baby called Signature System. This program has showed me so much about the clients I serve, which in turn has taught me loads about myself. Just last month, one of my clients coined me a Business Therapist and that got me thinking about my work in an entirely new light. Signature System is sorta like a therapy session; I even find myself putting my heels on the desk as I listen attentively to my client share her greatest strengths and struggles. I see her beauty and I also feel her pain. I'm sure this is a skill a licensed therapist must master; something I clearly do NOT have credentials in (nor have mastered for that matter) and that may just be where I fall flat.

I realize how overly invested I become in my clients business and want nothing more than to remove the pain that exists in their brand's foundation; provide tools that will help them succeed with the hopes that once Signature System has been achieved they will continue their journey towards building their online empire. But that's not always the case. People give up on their business or move on to the next bright shiny object. For me, that's a bit heartbreaking considering I just put a piece of my soul into that work. I suppose that is why Signature System has been a wild success. Touche´.

While I feel confident letting go of a coaching program that has been the heart and soul of what I do as an online business consultant, the time has come that I distance myself from one on one sessions so I can let go of the heartbreak. Having launched The Willow House of Design just a few weeks ago, a design+marketing house offering virtual courses; this business model comes with a very different kind of investment-- equally challenging, but very different nonetheless.

I pride myself in being a techie backend kinda gal and I know developers already know the anguish that lives behind the code; it can be painfully frustrating and time consuming! One semicolon out of place and the whole thing doesn't function properly. Talk about pulling out your hair-- but I'll take dealing with software and hardware problems over dealing with people's ego any ole day.

As I untangled some bugs in my new membership site at The Willow, you get to know what people are made of-- myself included. Even though I come with a steel tongue with close friends and immediate family, I surprise myself at how professional I am in situations where others simply are not. I'll pat myself on the back for that one, but that doesn't mean there isn't residual dust-off that need happens behind the scenes in order to keep my sanity. I do get hurt and maybe that's the problem with being a woman in business-- those little buggers called feelings. People can be nasty.

“It’s becoming clear that either way you look at it, you can’t escape the fact that business involves people, relationship-building, customer care, and working out the bugs. And just because you’re behind-the-scenes doesn’t mean all the problems disappears. Bummer.”

As I shake myself off and stand tall in my decisions, I'm wavering at what's next for me. I don't want the stage, the spotlight, fame or even some weird social media celebrity status; that's all completely unappetizing to me. My love for the behind-the-scenes work is teetering it's little head, but is that really the solution? Or is it simply MY bright shiny object-- whispering in my ear "If you do this you won't have to deal with anymore egos or get too emotional invested." It's becoming clear that either way you look at it, you can't escape the fact that business involves people, relationship-building, customer care, and working out the bugs. And just because you're behind-the-scenes doesn't mean all the problems disappears. Bummer.

So I feel a bit sad this morning. One door is closing and another will eventually open, but with each new door I know there with be new problems to solve. Perhaps that is what business is-- solving one problem after another-- problems your clients need solved, bugs that need to be fixed in the backend, and well, the front of the house needs care too. And that's me. The over-achiever in me cannot help but to over-deliver, work hard, encourage others it's going to be alright, and you know what, even a deep tissue massage ain't gonna fix all that residual darkness that's collecting black dust all over my heart. It's as if I'm living in an attic constantly trying to shake the linens clean only to find after 30 rinses you can still smell the mothball that once kept it free from (ass)holes.

“The over-achiever in me cannot help but to over-deliver, work hard, encourage others it’s going to be alright, and you know what, even a deep tissue massage ain’t gonna fix all that residual darkness that collecting black dust all over my heart. ”

It's 6:13am and I don't have the answers. I'm not even going to try to rack my brain trying to find one either-- I know that's the job of the Universe not mine anyway. So I'm putting it out in the ether asking for a sign or a way to find a little peace and to hopefully inspire those who treat others unkindly to look in the mirror-- if you look hard enough you'll see those who stood before you in that email, in that private Facebook post, that telephone conversation, or that coaching call who truly cares about the success of your business and whom wanted nothing more than to give you the world.

For now... while I await patiently for the Universe to work its magic, I'll tighten up my terms + conditions and make it known to future clients (and to the Universe at large) that my company has a no-Asshole policy. I care too much to help those who disrespect me and my staff, don't think before they speak, and are careless with their communication style. Business is business, NOT a therapy session and I'm taking this one to heart.

Love,

Angel

Photo Credit: Tumblr

Is Being an Over-Achiever a Sickness or a Gift?

Angel Quintana January 5, 2014

IS BEING AN OVER-ACHIEVER A SICKNESS OR A GIFT?

Dear Diary,

Each morning when I awake I lay there with my eyes closed and in my mind I go through everything that needs to be done in my business. Some times I feel overwhelmed because I think I'll never get it all done and sometimes I get excited, like it's my birthday and I cannot wait for the day to begin to tackle the tasks and challenges that stand before me. But today was different. This morning I just listened and I listened closely to my thoughts. Then I began to worry.

Instead of going over my long to do list, I heard my self talk. What I witnessed was a girl in pain. What I heard was suffering. In Buddhism, The First Noble Truth is all about dukkha. Dukkha is a Sanskrit word meaning suffering, but not in the classic sense of the word. Since dukkha is not totally translatable in English, a closer definition is 'life is in constant change.' It can also mean stress, discomfort, unease, and dissatisfaction-- pretty close the life of an over-achiever. As I went about my morning, Day #4 of my New Year's Cleanse, cut up my favorite fruit- cantaloup; gearing up to make a delicious whip, I finally heard my cry and that dukkha was in full effect.

While I have been making a conscious effort to slow down (it's one of my New Year's goals), I found myself in a personal massacre of people-pleasing. My long to-do list had everyone else written all over it. My desire to please my staff, my clients, my tribe of holistic leaders started to feel like a sickness. Banging my head against the wall trying to make sure all my i's were dotted and my t's were crossed (but even then, I miss a few), shook me to the core. I'd even find myself at times saying 'yes' when my gut was yelling NO!

“How many over-achievers does it take to screw in a light bulb, I thought? And I suppose the answer is just 1. The over-achiever thinks she has to do everything by herself because she knows it won’t get done the way she likes it. ”

How many over-achievers does it take to screw in a light bulb, I thought? And I suppose the answer is just 1. The over-achiever thinks she has to do everything by herself because she knows it won't get done the way she likes it. She has control issues; she has people-pleasing troubles, and she struggles with negative thinking from time-to-time, but in the end who is it hurting?

Being an over-achiever is a habit that I don't think can be broken. It's as if it's an auto-immune disorder that you'll have to care for your entire life, which took me back to the years when I struggled with psoriasis. As an over-achiever with psoriasis I read every book, changed my diet dramatically, tried every holistic measure under the sun, only to find the expectations of having clear skin were unreasonable. Life just didn't feel free; it felt contrived and overly strict, kind of like my illness with being an over-achiever.

“Whether you label it as OCD, ADD, bitchy, trivial, know-it-all, rigid, strict, mean, or whatever you want to call that over-achiever in the corner who is making sure it’s just perfect you and everyone else to enjoy— perhaps it’s time to rethink how you judge them and how I judge myself.”

So here I sit, waiting for my tasty cantaloup whip to finish vita-mixing and hearing myself loud and clear-- that over-achieving must be nurtured. Whether you label it as OCD, ADD, bitchy, trivial, know-it-all, rigid, strict, mean, or whatever you want to call that over-achiever in the corner who is making sure it's just perfect you and everyone else to enjoy-- perhaps it's time to rethink how you judge them and how I judge myself. Just like a devastated patient who learns she has breast cancer or the teenage girl who battles with depression, aren't we all plagued with a little sickness? Mine just happens to be over-achieving.

If dukkha shows up, I know my heart and health need nurturing. I know that my worries to do good for others comes from a very sincere place. I know that in my heart the pain might be deep, but the intention is always to do better, even if it shows up as anguish. Today I make a conscious effort towards nurturing my sickness, finding a healer to help me when times get tough, and to see the bright side in my efforts to do good in the world because at the end of the day, that's all the over-achiever really wants any way and that's a healthy gift.

Love,

Angel

Seeking Shelter From The Storm