Dear Diary,
Each morning when I awake I lay there with my eyes closed and in my mind I go through everything that needs to be done in my business. Some times I feel overwhelmed because I think I'll never get it all done and sometimes I get excited, like it's my birthday and I cannot wait for the day to begin to tackle the tasks and challenges that stand before me. But today was different. This morning I just listened and I listened closely to my thoughts. Then I began to worry.
Instead of going over my long to do list, I heard my self talk. What I witnessed was a girl in pain. What I heard was suffering. In Buddhism, The First Noble Truth is all about dukkha. Dukkha is a Sanskrit word meaning suffering, but not in the classic sense of the word. Since dukkha is not totally translatable in English, a closer definition is 'life is in constant change.' It can also mean stress, discomfort, unease, and dissatisfaction-- pretty close the life of an over-achiever. As I went about my morning, Day #4 of my New Year's Cleanse, cut up my favorite fruit- cantaloup; gearing up to make a delicious whip, I finally heard my cry and that dukkha was in full effect.
While I have been making a conscious effort to slow down (it's one of my New Year's goals), I found myself in a personal massacre of people-pleasing. My long to-do list had everyone else written all over it. My desire to please my staff, my clients, my tribe of holistic leaders started to feel like a sickness. Banging my head against the wall trying to make sure all my i's were dotted and my t's were crossed (but even then, I miss a few), shook me to the core. I'd even find myself at times saying 'yes' when my gut was yelling NO!
