Freeloaders Are Annoying, But They Aren't Evil

Angel Quintana February 26, 2014

FREELOADERS ARE ANNOYING, BUT THEY AREN'T EVIL

Dear Diary,

Constant freeloaders are wearing my skin thin! They are wearing down my patience and leaving me feeling terribly disgruntled. Perhaps I have given too much of myself or invested too much of my own creativity in others' pursuits and as a result it has left me feeling the ‘glass half empty’ whatever the reason, I am irritated to say the least.

What is the perfect balance of give and take? How can I assure that my giving is going well-received and appreciated at the very least. It appears, the more apparent the problem becomes, the more I want to see the trend in this freeloading frenzy. Who are these people?

Maybe it's the marketing dork in me, but I like to analyze, optimize, and find trends in things. What I have noticed is that freeloaders aren’t evil. I have taken a good hard look at who these people are outside of their business pursuits, and have discovered they are truly extraordinary people looking to do great things in this world, at least that's what it looks like from the outside. They work hard to bring their message to light, marketing themselves in rather unattractive ways (in my opinion), but mostly they have difficulty seeing how they are standing in their own way and bugging others with their problems too frequently.

“What I have noticed is that freeloaders aren’t evil. I have taken a good hard look at who these people are outside of their business pursuits, and have discovered they are truly extraordinary people looking to do great things in this world, at least that’s what it looks like from the outside. ”

But just as there is a yin to every yang, their is also the dark side of the freeloader. Many of the freeloaders I have had the not-so-pleasure of meeting and working with are rather self-indulgent— as if they are the only one working their tail off to bring their magic to commerce. They preach their wisdom, practice holistic living, and overcompensate about how they are an expert in their field (even go as far as to embellish about how successful they really are or are NOT), but I have to wonder sometimes… is it all a big facade?

I work with women entrepreneurs, so just as I know how my sister ticks (because we have the same blood running through our veins), women entrepreneurs are wired a certain way, and when you understand ‘your kind’ you see through the bullshit. Many of these entrepreneurs are lying between their teeth, acting like they are more successful than they are, pretending to be sensitive when hurt while simultaneously plotting some evil email or passive aggressive scheme to let you know you crossed them. Big whoop.

What I FAIL to feel in these cases of freeloading baloney is sorry for them. I don't feel sorry for you! I know no one works harder than me; i put in 16 hours a day building my business and sacrificing downtime in order to build a company that I am proud of so one day I will be able to purchase my dream home and travel without a budget. It might not be their dream, but it sure is mine and i plan to make that dream come true with good ole fashioned HARD WORK not griping about how someone didn't promote me enough.

I wasn’t brought up expecting things to be handed to me, in fact, it was the cold harsh chill of life that gave me the work ethic and the I can do-it-alone mentality that has me typing away working on my business to the wee hours because I know business is NO easy task. In fact, I often tell my friends that if they truly don’t want to have their own business, by all means DON’T! It’s not going to be handed to you on a silver platter just because you redid your website and it still looks like crap.

Freeloaders fail to realize that nothing will be handed to them when you EXPECT something SHOULD be done for you… especially without paying someone for their service or product. No matter how special you think you are, how beautiful you think you are (the pretty girl syndrome), or how you’ve spent most of your life getting everything you wanted because daddy made sure of it, I promise you, you WILL have to work for it, pay for it, and give thanks to those who were kind enough to invest in your vision.

Bottom line.. freeloaders might not be evil, but they are annoying. And I’ll put myself in check right now because bitchy entrepreneurs are annoying too. Tomorrow I’ll try to be less of the latter.

-Angel

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Is Being an Over-Achiever a Sickness or a Gift?

Angel Quintana January 5, 2014

IS BEING AN OVER-ACHIEVER A SICKNESS OR A GIFT?

Dear Diary,

Each morning when I awake I lay there with my eyes closed and in my mind I go through everything that needs to be done in my business. Some times I feel overwhelmed because I think I'll never get it all done and sometimes I get excited, like it's my birthday and I cannot wait for the day to begin to tackle the tasks and challenges that stand before me. But today was different. This morning I just listened and I listened closely to my thoughts. Then I began to worry.

Instead of going over my long to do list, I heard my self talk. What I witnessed was a girl in pain. What I heard was suffering. In Buddhism, The First Noble Truth is all about dukkha. Dukkha is a Sanskrit word meaning suffering, but not in the classic sense of the word. Since dukkha is not totally translatable in English, a closer definition is 'life is in constant change.' It can also mean stress, discomfort, unease, and dissatisfaction-- pretty close the life of an over-achiever. As I went about my morning, Day #4 of my New Year's Cleanse, cut up my favorite fruit- cantaloup; gearing up to make a delicious whip, I finally heard my cry and that dukkha was in full effect.

While I have been making a conscious effort to slow down (it's one of my New Year's goals), I found myself in a personal massacre of people-pleasing. My long to-do list had everyone else written all over it. My desire to please my staff, my clients, my tribe of holistic leaders started to feel like a sickness. Banging my head against the wall trying to make sure all my i's were dotted and my t's were crossed (but even then, I miss a few), shook me to the core. I'd even find myself at times saying 'yes' when my gut was yelling NO!

“How many over-achievers does it take to screw in a light bulb, I thought? And I suppose the answer is just 1. The over-achiever thinks she has to do everything by herself because she knows it won’t get done the way she likes it. ”

How many over-achievers does it take to screw in a light bulb, I thought? And I suppose the answer is just 1. The over-achiever thinks she has to do everything by herself because she knows it won't get done the way she likes it. She has control issues; she has people-pleasing troubles, and she struggles with negative thinking from time-to-time, but in the end who is it hurting?

Being an over-achiever is a habit that I don't think can be broken. It's as if it's an auto-immune disorder that you'll have to care for your entire life, which took me back to the years when I struggled with psoriasis. As an over-achiever with psoriasis I read every book, changed my diet dramatically, tried every holistic measure under the sun, only to find the expectations of having clear skin were unreasonable. Life just didn't feel free; it felt contrived and overly strict, kind of like my illness with being an over-achiever.

“Whether you label it as OCD, ADD, bitchy, trivial, know-it-all, rigid, strict, mean, or whatever you want to call that over-achiever in the corner who is making sure it’s just perfect you and everyone else to enjoy— perhaps it’s time to rethink how you judge them and how I judge myself.”

So here I sit, waiting for my tasty cantaloup whip to finish vita-mixing and hearing myself loud and clear-- that over-achieving must be nurtured. Whether you label it as OCD, ADD, bitchy, trivial, know-it-all, rigid, strict, mean, or whatever you want to call that over-achiever in the corner who is making sure it's just perfect you and everyone else to enjoy-- perhaps it's time to rethink how you judge them and how I judge myself. Just like a devastated patient who learns she has breast cancer or the teenage girl who battles with depression, aren't we all plagued with a little sickness? Mine just happens to be over-achieving.

If dukkha shows up, I know my heart and health need nurturing. I know that my worries to do good for others comes from a very sincere place. I know that in my heart the pain might be deep, but the intention is always to do better, even if it shows up as anguish. Today I make a conscious effort towards nurturing my sickness, finding a healer to help me when times get tough, and to see the bright side in my efforts to do good in the world because at the end of the day, that's all the over-achiever really wants any way and that's a healthy gift.

Love,

Angel

Does Manifesting Really Work?

Angel Quintana December 31, 2013

DOES MANIFESTING REALLY WORK?

Dear Diary,

So the day has finally come where we say goodbye to another year and open the door to a new one. As I reflect on what has been accomplished in 2013, I feel exhausted just looking at the list. From filming my first documentary, starting a magazine, merging 12 websites into 1, growing a network of partners to over 200+ amazing business pioneers, hosting my first retreat in Palm Springs, developing a business art school, speaking on stage, launching a radio and TV network, and publishing Holistic Fashionista's first book, it was a BUSY year to say the least.

As I wind down, sipping a peppermint tea latte right here in my pajamas where it all started, I feel a sense of peace. All my projects nicely wrapped up and on their way. I finally feel as though my efforts were all worth it. While I said goodbye to a few colleagues and met an exceptional new tribe of leaders, I feel it all happened for a reason. The struggles were part of the journey and a VERY integral part of my personal voyage. I needed to grow. I needed to get burned. I needed to feel the agony of what it truly takes to run a business.

“The struggles were part of the journey and a VERY integral part of my personal voyage. I needed to grow. I needed to get burned. I needed to feel the agony of what it truly takes to run a business.”

Just when you think you can't get any stronger, that life has already handed you too many lemons, the universe throws you a curve ball, which might bring you to your knees and lead you to tears. However, when those tears are running down your cheeks, smearing your winged black eyeliner and mineral foundation, I look in the mirror and think, "I know there is a master plan."

Being anxious, upset, excited, and anticipating what the universe will deliver to you tomorrow is all part of the entrepreneur's journey. If you are my friend on Facebook, you already know that I ask the universe for what I want on a regular basis and it ALWAYS delivers. It might not show up exactly how I personally envisioned it, and it make take on many twists and turns, but the universe always delivers, every time. No exceptions.

“However, when those tears are running down your cheeks, smearing your winged black eyeliner and mineral foundation, I look in the mirror and think, “I know there is a master plan.””

To some the idea of manifesting might be silly, but it works. Gurus might make snide remarks that you cannot build a business simply on wishful thinking, but I wished and it came true. It was my wishful thinking that inspired me to work incredibly hard this year to bring my dreams to light; it was wishful thinking that brought my now husband and I back together again; it was wishful thinking that motivated me to think outside the lines and rebel against the norm; it was wishful thinking that dared me to dream bigger and not be afraid to say what I think; it was wishful thinking that brought me my second puppy, and it was the tears that reminded me that the universe is moving mountains every second to bring me whatever it is I wish for, especially my swanky boho dream office that I know is on the way so I may continue on my quest towards celebrating the individuality that lives inside every human being through the platform that is Holistic Fashionista.

Love,

Angel

Freeloaders Are Annoying, But They Aren't Evil